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        許慶勝:無根的青春漂泊、心靈遺恨與詩歌先鋒俠客——讀張脈峰先生的《我這十年》
         發布時間:2015/12/5 瀏覽次數:917

        無根的青春漂泊、心靈遺恨與詩歌先鋒俠客

        ——讀張脈峰先生的《我這十年》

        許慶勝

        我素來對先鋒詩歌群體以及他們傾囊苦心經營先鋒詩歌的努力,充滿無量的藝術敬仰和尊重,這種尊重與敬仰至今仍然不減。作為一種類似天定的夢想與責任,我曾是八十年代他們群體中不算合格的一員,為此在世俗的物質夾縫中曾遍體麟傷,恨痕累累!所以,我讀了同是先鋒勇士的張脈峰先生寄自京華的先鋒往惜血淚記錄,陳年的傷又被深深洞開,讓我抑至不住在今晚重回舊事,并象他詩中所訴的那樣熱淚橫流!因為為了崇高的青春詩歌夢想我也曾或正在無根的四處漂泊和流浪,并遺恨叢叢!

        作為一代熱血青年與同齡公民,在八十年代初期恰逢思想大解放的詩潮流變大波瀾,我與我的同仁們天生而自覺地加入了這個注定漂泊無依的世紀性靈魂大流浪之中。那時我在高等學府求學時便狂熱地迷戀上了詩歌,甚至感到比自身生命都重要,但天定的世俗物質卑微位置與無依無靠,總讓這種夢想單薄而無力,找不到一處可以施展才華的港灣。直到大學畢業進入萊蕪二中教學。但對此種平庸的世俗常態總感到無盡的窒息,總感到還有極為或更為重大的事業在等著我,于是我在授課之余也組織了“古船”詩社,并在平庸世俗的夾擊中創辦了《古船詩報》,陶醉于人生與詩歌事業的理想設計之中,為此也去狂熱而盲目地敲名門、拜名師,猶如一只熱鍋上的螞蟻。我曾長途跋涉騎自行車一日三百里速度由山東往北京,如是幾次,最多時在北京呆上了一個暑假近兩月有余,但那種無根的焦慮與苦難最終讓我不得不屈服,望著北京茫茫的天空,別人的叢叢高樓大廈和如蟻的車流人流,我也曾自語:“我最后的晚餐在哪兒呢?”(見該書6頁),“一扇扇門緊緊關閉/阻擋一切的鳥語花香/心靈沒有缺口/我的詩歌無法逾越和穿過”(16頁《門》),“除了真誠/我一無所有/我孤寂。孜然一身/在荒原上漫行/何處是我的歸途/何處是我的家園”“始終我知道,我/只是一介窮酸書生/流浪兒  稻草人”“寒冷的時候/我淚眼巴巴地/靜視低沉的天空/幻想”(43頁)最后不得不自覺承認和屈服:“這個冬天無雪/我一貧如洗”(53頁),因為我在這里沒有根,我只能無根的漂泊流浪在他人的街街巷巷!所以我一次次去北京,最后依然原路返回!所以我曾在山東故鄉接到過張脈峰君從水泊梁山熱切寄來的《太陽詩報》,但那時正是我為詩歌夢想倍受世俗打擊的低谷之期,我屈服于“強人”的停職停薪的懲罰,自幼偃旗息鼓,在那窮山惡水的發配地竟連一點回信的勇氣也消失殆盡了!那個時段我自覺地從詩壇消失了,僅是熱淚兩行伴著我,再也不去做無根的漂泊!只是遺眼斑斑!所以今夜我讀到張脈峰君的詩句才感到了自己的渺小、懦弱!脈峰君也去了北京,且一呆十年,從1992年至2002年,也!按笸氪笸氲睾染/喝到十二成以上/找一片林間空隙/在寂靜處/打上一路醉拳/然后熱淚橫流”但他極為勇敢“以真誠作盤纏/以氣作劍/刺向黑暗”(8頁《游俠》),他“流浪他鄉”(28頁《熱風》),但能“搭上枝箭。弓/成長成弓”“一個姿勢。保持五千年/不變!保20頁《弓箭手》),他射向“權威”“引亢高歌”并認為“英雄/涂滿金色的名字。背面/三朵蜘蛛。/正在/結網”(21頁《生涯》),盡管也曾把春天設計成“最后”的一個,但他“面對死亡。我沒有流淚”而且“面對死亡。我不會流淚”!他終于把根扎在了京華,并日趨繁茂!他無愧為行俠仗義水泊梁山之優秀后代子孫!令生于魯國委曲求全孔孟之野的我慚愧而汗顏不已!

        這些還在其次,而最令人激動的還在于他為先鋒文學建設自覺而有效的努力本身。民間是一個養殖先鋒文學的廣闊空間。但其貧瘠與地位低下的固有定勢便決定了其崛起的艱難與凄慘血淚付出,而張脈峰君卻能堅持數年,出刊三十多期,常常寫下這篇題目,我的眼睛里已噙滿淚水:“用全部生命和青春作賭注”(147頁),并認為“雪溶于淚或淚溶于雪都是一種美麗!保ㄗx書148頁),他對先鋒詩的豐盈和發展,功不可沒!先鋒詩歌作為新時期詩歌構成中最為自由最有價值的部分,當然地包括了實驗詩與探索詩的全部,是當代詩歌中最美麗最輝煌的所在,它們雖然起步于具有強烈社會批判意識與英雄主義傾向的朦朧詩群,但并非是簡單地直線式延續,而是審美觀念連根拔起的巨大換代式壇變,崇尚最大限度的獨立自由精神,努力淡化和不屑傳統的崇高與使命意識,在更高層次上開掘生命風景和展示新的方程式。比如張脈峰君的這些詩中“冬雪”季節的永久存在,幾乎成了他詩歌的中樞,即使有“七月”也僅僅是一種“夢幻”,有“熱風”也“沒有什么樹。在風里/一段一段。/視線/流浪他鄉”(28頁《熱風》)讀起來比冬雪還要冷徹幾分!這已是他無根漂泊與心靈遺恨的真實存照!他游俠式的散點出擊,有著“保護妹妹”打抱不平式的新式味韻,在最早的朦朧詩群體中是絕少存在的,也有別于其他先鋒群體。而在文體外觀上的自覺破壞與重建也極為明顯,比如“句號”向句子中間移動,如“空泛的詞。生涯/如煙。短暫的小小的一根!保21頁《生涯》),這種貌似隨意的設置,卻有著自覺意識的向度,是對千百年來固有定勢累積的慣性懶惰的句號意義的強烈不滿與反抗!在西方艾略特等大師的作品中似乎有過,但在中國極度封閉的特定氛圍中,卻有著不同尋常的強化意義!“雪子”“梅”“玲子”等女姓形象地反復出現,與其說是所謂愛情的摹寫,不如說是美好理想追求的假設象征物與人生指歸,是西方騎士與情人模式的中國化和再創造。他的散文在我看來,也并非傳統意義上的散文簡單復制,“就這么短短的一夜,我經歷了我的一生!保73頁),“祈望一季的活潑的鳥”“在我的詩篇中鳴唱”(65頁)“陽光從側面經過”等等,皆是先鋒詩歌地橫向拉長與重排。那兩篇小說也是先鋒式的隱喻與另類比:“等人”,等而錯過,不是人生的盼而不得嗎?那“玫瑰的謊言,”“艾雪”不甘于平庸生存,而不斷地尋找浪漫,也是現代式倫理道德價值判斷向低迷落后傳統的勇敢詩化反抗與重構!

        “由于喜新厭舊的感情,由于希望別人達到高不可攀的盡善盡美的地步,結果我們不但對原來熱愛的對象冷淡起來,而且感到討厭,于是我們就不惜甩掉他們再向前跑,去尋找新的十全十美的事物!保蟹颉ね袪査固锻  少年  青年》)!段疫@十年》便是“再向前跑”的具體藝術表征,她所呈現的先鋒向度正召示新的文化精神與健全創造品魄,完善新的審美品格和價值取向,并指向美好的藝術與社會未來!

         

         


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